


Selfishly Unselfish

by hushlittlewolf



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s02e22 All Hell Breaks Loose, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-06
Updated: 2013-08-06
Packaged: 2017-12-22 15:48:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/915052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hushlittlewolf/pseuds/hushlittlewolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean’s thoughts after All Hell Breaks Loose</p>
            </blockquote>





	Selfishly Unselfish

**Author's Note:**

> A little ficlet inspired by Richard Siken

> **_You saved my life_ ** _he says_ **_I owe you everything._ **
> 
> _You don’t, I say, you don’t owe me squat, let’s just get going, let’s just get gone, but he’s_
> 
> _relentless,_
> 
> _keeps saying_ **_I owe you,_ ** **_says_ ** **_Your shoes are filling with your own damn blood,_ **
> 
> **_you must want something, just tell me, and it’s yours._ **
> 
> _But I can’t look at him, can hardly speak,_
> 
> _I took the bullet for all the wrong reasons_
> 
> _(Wishbone by Richard Siken)_
> 
> * * *
> 
>  

People like to make it noble, courageous, romantic.

It’s none of the above.

It’s dirty and underhanded and goddamn  _selfish._

You saved his life but no matter what you tell yourself, no matter what you say out loud, you didn’t do it for  _him._ Not really.

You did it for yourself.

You did it cuz  _you_ can’t live without  **him.**

You’re a coward and pathetic, a failure, and you shouldn’t even be alive. It isn’t natural.

But you’ve made up for it.

One year and then you’re gone. You think it just. You think it  _righteous._

He keeps looking at you, won’t stop staring.

His body and his mouth and his eyes keep screaming  ** _why?!_**

You say something about a promise, words that you swore to your father, a burden that has always been yours to carry.

_Watch out for **Sammy.**_

You go on and on like it’s complicated, like it isn’t the simplest thing in the world.

The truth is…

You did it simply because you  ** _love_**  him, your baby brother, all the family you have left.

You did it simply because you didn’t know how  _not_ to.

You did it because love makes you selfishly unselfish and you don’t even give a  ** _damn_**. 

* * *

 

> _Let’s not talk about it, let’s just not talk._  


End file.
